Relationship Coaching for Gay Men

I have many years of experience (over 30) providing Couples Therapy and Relationship Coaching as a gay men’s specialist for individuals, couples, and polycules. For people living with a psychiatric disorder (depression, anxiety, OCD, ADD, bipolar disorder, PTSD, etc.) and their challenges are affecting their relationship, Couples Therapy can help by providing support to the primary patient but in the context of their domestic relationship to their partner or spouse. Diagnosing one or both partners with some kind of disorder is required for Couples Therapy to be considered medically necessary, especially for insurance reimbursement eligibility, and requires that the clients reside in the state where the couples therapist is licensed.

However, in Relationship Coaching, neither partner has to have a diagnosable condition. A Coach can provide Relationship Coaching to couples (or polycules) anywhere in the world; it doesn’t require any diagnosis (and cannot, if it’s Relationship Coaching).

Relationship Coaching is an opportunity for the partners to receive professional support for working toward the goals of the relationship. It could be that you are looking to improve communication, such as reducing fights or improving the quality of the verbal exchanges you have to work through issues. It could be that you want support for improving your sex life, or education on sexual issues such as dysfunction, desire discrepancy, shame/guilt, options for sexual expression, kink play, or understanding your sexual activity in the context of the Six Principles for Sexual Health (Vigorito/Braun-Harvey) as applied to gay men, single or in relationships. You might need help dealing with differences in your relationship, such as an age gap; a difference in income; coming from different cultures, languages, or nationalities; coping with co-parenting (with children of any age); finding a way to split household duties fairly; or working through disagreements in financial arrangements.

In my long experience, improving communication and dealing with sexual differences are the most common. As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, when I’m not providing sex therapy as such, I’m using my training and skills as a Sex Educator to help couples identify the resources and gain the knowledge to apply to improving their sex life.

Relationship Coaching allows for a gay male couple (or polycule) to receive the very specific specific support that gay men need for their relationships, which differs from straight relationships. There are specific cultural considerations, language, and dynamics that are present in gay male relationships; it’s not a “one size fits all” approach to relationships, as so many straight couples therapists (or even gay male therapists who aren’t long-term specialists working exclusively with gay male couples) might think. We could say, "Love is Love," but that tends to dismiss the very special considerations of specifically gay men's relationships and cultural dynamics.

Gay men have a “doubling down” of men’s psychology; this differs from relationships where a woman is present. The psychological, cultural, ethnic, historical, sexual, and domestic angles need their own specific attention when challenges arise. Gay men navigate a place for themselves on a gender expression spectrum. While we might cope with societal pressures about traditional gender roles (now, or in our Family of Origin), or consider how Toxic Masculinity has affected us. We also explore Positive Masculinity, and how we can validate ourselves and our right for our own self-expression. As a member of the Leather Community, I provide coaching for gay men exploring that, or other kink communities that we might be drawn to, but not sure how to navigate cultivating being a part of them.

When I provide Relationship Coaching, I’m doing this in the context of having worked with now thousands of gay male couples or polyamorous relationships; there isn’t much at this point that I haven’t seen, over and over. Having this perspective of knowing how other couples have handled the same kinds of problems, over and over, helps me to help you learn how these kinds of challenges have been resolved in the past, while still tailoring the support to your individual circumstances.

Relationship Coaching helps you identify patterns of behavior that don’t serve you, and teaches you new alternatives that can give new life and satisfaction to your relationship, now and throughout the lifespan.