Sexual Education Coaching for Gay Men

With my background as an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, while I can only provide sex therapy as such for individuals, couples, and polycules in California, where I am licensed to practice psychotherapy, the work that I do with people in other states or countries draws on my concurrent role as a long-time sex educator.

I started my career providing peer emotional support for people (usually gay men) who were living with HIV/AIDS. As a clinician and later leader in non-profit AIDS service organizations, much of my work included educational talks to groups about safer sex, medication adherence, and the history of HIV.

In my work since then, I’ve been an educator on the cutting edge of the latest information on how to take care of one’s self sexually, not only in HIV/AIDS and STD prevention/management, but in all education related to human sexuality, especially as a specialist in gay men. Gay male sex therapists and educators who focus almost exclusively on gay men are rare, even among AASECT Certified Sex Therapists, Educators, and other certified sex professionals. I am happy to offer this long (over 32 years) and broad service to the gay male community, in the United States and worldwide, when so often in society gay men's sexual expression is either ignored/invalidated, or actively stigmatized/discouraged, even when people "say" they support Pride in general. People who aren't gay men tend to avoid, or even mock, gay men's sex acts in a way that other demographics don't face.

After working with thousands of gay male individuals, couples, and polycules about sexual issues, Sexual Education Coaching helps combine education about sexual issues (such as physical challenges like erectile dysfunction (ED), premature ejaculation (PE), lack of desire, mismatched desire with a partner, sexual guilt (often from religious trauma), sexual behaviors that can feel “compulsive,” or cultural pressures that can become internalized from societal homophobia or even bullying) with the other aspects of gay men navigating their lives.

Sexual Education Coaching helps individuals and those in relationships to separate the myth (such as “sex addiction”, a popular but widely discredited concept) from the facts in human sexuality. It can help reverse the internalized pressures, guilt, demoralization, and anxiety that keep gay men from realizing and enjoying their full sexual potential throughout the lifespan.

Not only is there a lack of reliable information about sex, particularly about gay sex, in society, but there is an agenda from sex-negative forces to provide deliberate mis-information in order to promote religious guilt, heterosexism, conservative (anti-sex) religious supremacy, strict gender role adherence, and legal/social oppression when it comes to gay male sexuality. Many sex-negative forces (such as "anti-porn" activists, "sex addiction therapists," "protect our children," or "parents' rights" activists) have somehow developed a (misplaced) intense rage against all gay men, and work, often tirelessly and relentlessly, to identify and enact ways to legally and socially oppress us, and then carry over any local legislative successes (such as Florida's "Don't Say Gay" bill) to other states or municipalities (or countries, as in the case of the Uganda "Kill The Gays" bill, funded and supported by American Evangelicals). Gay men are left to recover from a social trauma of this kind of open oppression, and to forge a healthy sexual expression for themselves and their consenting adult partners. Coaching can help to understand oppression in an historical and social context, and to defuse its powerful negative impact.

In Sexual Education Coaching, I help gay men learn how to formulate questions about their physical functioning that they might bring to a consultation with an MD (such as a urologist, endocrinologist, or colorectal surgeon), along with their emotional (anxiety, guilt) or relational challenges, which all combine to form a general state of sexual well-being.

Sexual Education Coaching challenges a broad (but sometimes subtle) notion that gay men “shouldn’t be” having sex, or that the help provided for straight men about improving their sexual functioning and enjoyment is somehow not equally available to gay men as well. Combine that with gay men who are living with HIV, and the anti-sex oppression goes even further, despite "Undetectable = Untransferable" (U=U), and PrEP (pills or injections).

Sexual Education Coaching helps you to establish, or re-establish, your human right to a satisfying, rewarding, fun, and exciting sex life, first to yourself, and then to others.