Gay Men and the Lessons from ‘Wicked’

Gay Men and the Lessons from ‘Wicked’

With the current (December, 2024) popularity of the new movie version of the hit Broadway musical, “Wicked,” (by long-understood bisexual composer, Stephen Schwartz), and based on the original novel by (gay author) Gregory McGuire, there are many parallels of that modern-classic story that can apply to gay men.

With its green-skinned, young female outcast protagonist, “Elphaba” (an amalgamation of L. Frank Baum, the author of the original 14 “Wonderful Wizard of Oz” series of books), gay men can certainly relate to being “born different” and having to carve a life out of an atmosphere of suspicion, examination, scorn, rejection, discrimination, and ostracization.  Just swap out “green” for “gay” and you get the picture.

Not to mention that all things “Oz” and certainly Broadway and movie musicals have that “gay sensibility” culturally, and there is much to discuss that gay men can relate to.

Let’s discuss some of the themes that emerge in “Wicked,” and how they have a parallel with (many) gay men’s lives, and the lessons we can learn from them for support, inspiration, and motivation:

THEMES OF ‘WICKED’

1. Friendship – Elphaba and G(a)linda’s friendship shows how an initial, awkward, even hostile interaction (expressed in their duet) can, occasionally, blossom into a good friendship. The initial differences between them that create suspicion and polar-opposite friction, evolve into mutual fascination, affection, and bonding, despite the outward tests of loyalty.

For Gay Men:  Gay men can grow up very popular, especially if they come from well-off families (money) or they are cute (appearance privilege) even from a young age, but not always.  Being “the last one picked for the team in gym class” or being ignored/invisible when it comes to their peers’ “mating rituals” in dating or prom or early sexual experience that straight kids get so much social affirmation for, or even being very much noticed, only long enough to be bullied, sometimes tragically all the way to suicide, is a common autobiographical description of gay men’s youth.  Even the adult friendships of gay men can be qualified, such as the female “bff” who only tolerates her gay male friends to the extent they stay “love interest substitutes” and the minute the gay boy/guy has any sexual identity and expresses it (dating, being sexually active), the friendship ends.  Or, the friendship can be a much better experience than that.  Most of my clients, and I, have experienced both.  Like Elphaba and Glinda, friendships can start, evolve, deteriorate, end, and possibly re-invent over the course of sometimes many years.

Lesson:  We don’t live isolated in this world, even when it can feel like it.  The judicious, perhaps cautious, selection of people to cultivate as friends is a necessary component for living, and many would argue are among the most important elements in life (along with things like health, stability, safety, and love).  Friendships can take work, but like most things that require sustained effort, can be immensely valuable over time.

2. Standing up for what you believe in – When Elphaba learns of the systematic oppression of animals in the Land of Oz, apparently due to the insecurity and craving for power by the unscrupulous Wizard, she doesn’t just tolerate it, even in the face of meeting the Wizard as a privileged opportunity. She stands up to him, expressing her ire that mistreating those from vulnerable groups is social violence and an injustice.

For Gay Men: Standing up for what we believe, whether it’s a cause (like Elphaba, for animal rights) or another one not related to LGBT+ rights, or for our own LGBT+ rights, is common among gay men.  It’s part of our survival strategy in society.  We are often activists, advocates, and mouthpieces for various causes, our own, and others.  Gay men have basically had to fight for their right to exist for centuries, and we still do.  Some of the gains made since Stonewall in 1969, while great (such as legal private conduct, non-discrimination laws and marriage equality) face very active, very powerful, very vicious/sadistic, and, unfortunately, very effective backlash campaigns (such as the Don’t Say Gay laws in Florida and their plan to replicate those laws in states, nationwide), as well as the viciously aggressive “Stop Drag Queen Story Hour” for children and viciously being labeled “groomers!” for childhood sexual abuse by some of the most powerful people in American government (such as members of the United States Congress, specifically Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor-Green).  Certainly, all that gay men went through during the history of the AIDS crisis involved standing up for what we believe in through ACT-UP and countless other efforts to preserve our rights, dignity, safety, physical and mental health, and our lives.  Standing up against the basically “legalization” of hate crimes against gay men that go ignored or unprosecuted, or even uncounted (I did research on anti-gay hate crimes in the early 90s in grad school, when Conservative Republicans in Congress did not want to even officially keep a count of hate crimes against gay men because secretly they condoned them, such as Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina, who took the stance that any formal legal protections for gay men “encouraged sodomy” and were tantamount to the destruction of the country).  We, as a group, tend to be a voice for oppressed groups worldwide, simply advocating for the right to exist peacefully, such as when we oppose the “Kill The Gays” bills of Uganda (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-Homosexuality_Act,_2023), promoted very aggressively (and effectively) by American anti-gay activist and pseudo-religious figure, Scott Lively, and other American Evangelicals, but supported by all but one of the Ugandan Parliament after their “independence” from Britain in 1962, which was passed and strengthened in 2023.  (OOGA BOOGA!  Time to re-colonize da widdle savages, again; I mean, will they never learn?).

Lesson:  We not only have the right to stand up for what we believe in, in our words, actions, voting, protests, and so on, but we really have the obligation to. That’s the cost of membership into our collective sense of community, in honor of all those gay men who died before us, for ourselves in the present, and for all those who will follow us in history so that they can live in a just society.

3. Discrimination – The ostracism faced by Elphaba, who was born with green skin and basically abandoned by her parents at birth, except to the extent that she was “useful” to care for a “normal” baby sister (Nessarose), is the very first discrimination she faced.  She was held in a negative contempt by so many, simply by way of having green skin.

For Gay Men:  Gay men have their own “born with green skin” by being born gay.  And, we face a lifetime of discrimination for it, by being ignored by many, to active oppression and lack of legal rights, to outright severe violence by those who would sadistically delight in our being in pain or dying, to satisfy their Superiority Complex, especially in a religious context.  In their eyes, our outright mass extermination, or at least being forced to live a miserable, subsistence existence hidden as third-class citizens, is the key to a just society under their understanding of a “God.”

Lesson:  It is a constant battle to fight discrimination, and advocacy groups such as the National Center for Lesbian Rights (which also does a lot of good for gay men to fight for justice in the eyes of the law) are a critical component of our society that help shape law, policy, and custom.  It is the social default that we would lose our rights due to the relentless, energized, powerful, and determined efforts from those who hate us with a passion for being who we are by birth.  So, we renew our fight against discrimination really every day, which is why we call it “Minority Stress,” to be a part of a group who is often discriminated against and who can never really “exhale” permanently as equal citizens, especially worldwide in more primitive cultures.

4. The dangers of propaganda – Elphaba, when it becomes clear that she is opposing the Wizard’s oppression of animals, becomes marked and targeted with a nation-wide propaganda campaign to discredit her as “wicked” for defying the Wizard’s acts and advocating for the well-being of the animals. Posters, announcements, policy, and the not-so-subtle, insidious manipulation of the public perception of her by the people of Oz, proliferate.  Propaganda is defined variously online as the promotion of varied forms of public messaging to fuel a campaign to oppress someone, or a group of people, toward an end, to oppress and ultimately eliminate that person or group, in order to eliminate any sense of “threat” that group poses to the status quo, who see themselves as the “keepers of pure, unadulterated culture.”

For Gay Men: Gay men are the target of much propaganda, from the historical “it’s a disease” campaign of the early 20^th century, to the “threat” of gay men in government around the “Red Scare” of the 1940s and 50s (McCarthysim, J. Edgar Hoover (himself a gay cross-dresser) and the FBI), to the current “Groomer!” screams of rage from Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Green, or the “Don’t Say Gay” laws by Florida’s Republican Governor Ron DeSantis and his fellow bigots in the Florida government, to the insane attacks on gay male drag queens in “Drag Queen Story Hour” for children in school or public libraries, or even to the heterosexist ignoring or erasure of gay men as represented in society, such as in movies, TV shows, print ads, and certainly television commercials.

Lesson:  Propaganda can be a “nice try” to try to oppress gay men, but it’s a flimsy argument because the shrill, paranoid screams of “harm” are not true, and fairly easy to discredit with facts.  But that doesn’t stop it from being manufactured by determined bigots, fueled by their pathological, uncontrollable rage and hate as someone to blame for their own life frustrations, or the expression of their Narcissistic Superiority Complex, as White, Straight, and (conservative) Christian, just as Adolf Hitler promoted the idea of the “Master Race” during the European Holocaust.  We simply need to label propaganda as such, and keep speaking (and promoting) the truth through education, and not letting misinformation stand as “fact” to the general public.  The vicious lie of “gay men as child molesters” is easily debunked by activists like Kristen Browde at “whoismakingnews.com”, which tracks actual arrests of sexual predators via public police and court records, and documents their gender, race, profession, religious, and political affiliation.

5. Goodness vs. wickedness – The friendship between Elphaba and Glinda is a microcosm discussion of what it means to be “wicked” or “good” in a society. What actions constitute “wicked” (such as Elphaba’s activism on behalf of animal welfare) and what actions constitute “good” (such as Glinda’s conformity and subservience to the corrupt Wizard’s power)?  Are evil and good subjective, or objective?  Depends on whom you ask.  The lessons of “Wicked” challenge us to evoke critical thinking and really examine the implications of our words, actions, policy stances, and group associations.  Whom do we harm, and whom do we help, in our words and actions?  Are we OK with this?

For Gay Men:  Gay men have been portrayed by religious conservatives all over the world (Evangelical Christianity, Orthodox Judaism, Islam, Scientology, Bahai, Sikh, Hinduism, even conservative sects of Buddhism or the heterosexist Wiccan “sun god” and “moon goddess”) as “wicked” compared to the “good” of heteronormativity, which is seen as the default “holy living” across much of the world and throughout much of history.  But gay men have also existed throughout history, in all time, and in all cultures, so heteronormativity as the sole epitome of “good living” has always been challenged.

Lesson:  Goodness can generally be seen in qualities like love, patience, compassion, tolerance, and a huge component of “live and let live.” The test comes down to what underscores and enhances life, mental health, and well-being, and what denigrates, destroys, or impedes that.

6. Dehumanization – In “Wicked,” there is a “de-humanization” of sorts of the animals where, in Oz, they can speak and even teach or preach. Elphaba goes from being a student at Shiz University as a person, despite being green-skinned, to being de-humanized as merely a “wicked witch” worthy of severe punishment (implied arrest and execution) simply for challenging the existing power paradigm of the Wizard.  In order for the Wizard’s agenda of absolute power to succeed, through his Narcissistic Personality Disorder, insecurity, and Superiority Complex, driven by his fear of uprising from the People of Oz and being deposed as an “intruder” from another land, all those who oppose him (and his regime) must be seen not as human adversaries, but as dehumanized objects, unworthy of life.)

For Gay Men: Gay men can be dehumanized when labeled “the gays” or any sentiment that implies that we don’t come from families, we aren’t “real men,” we aren’t people worthy of equal rights, we aren’t on par with straight men (or straight women), or that we are sub-human objects unworthy of equal rights.  Many bigots don’t believe in actual “gay men,” they just see us as “straight men making bad choices of behavior that offend the natural laws of God and Man.”

Lesson:  San Francisco Supervisor and activist Harvey Milk urged gay men to “come out” so that we are humanized in our individual but related spheres of influence, as being incorporated into the lives of everyone, as coworkers, neighbors, school peers, family members, and fellow citizens.  We become more human when we challenge any efforts to de-humanize us, and when we remind anyone who needs to be reminded that we are a part of a larger, diverse, civilized society, continuously advocating for our right to coexist, equally, daily.

Perspective matters:

Unlike the original “Wonderful Wizar of Oz” novel, told from Dorothy’s point of view, the story of “Wicked” is told from Elphaba’s viewpoint, allowing the audience to understand the “wicked” witch’s motivations and challenges, highlighting how perspectives and sympathies can be skewed based on who is telling the story.

Whoever happens to be in power at the time, from Presidential administrations or government political parties, to the arbiters of social influence, can have enormous impact on the well-being of many minority groups.  Some of the gains made in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and so on have been “walked back” by some kind of phenomenon of a certain resurgence of hate, which likely has to do with some kind of social backlash against progressive change, the “browning” of America, or some kind of economic friction between entitlement and deprivation, and the rage that perceived (not even actual, Trump voters are not actually starving) deprivation can bring (such as the dehumanization of immigrants as “vermin poisoning the blood” of American society, when they are overwhelmingly law-abiding residents who do jobs for low pay and poor working conditions that many others will not do).

I’m old enough to have seen various perspectives, “fashions” about attitudes from very progressive to a resurgence of bigotry that has been “mainstreamed” in recent years, fueled mainly by Donald Trump, who used his position as an unscrupulous (but rich) business tycoon to become a television star in a competitive game show, to being an “outsider” populist political candidate who gained traction when running opposite what many called a “stuck-up coastal elite” woman candidate.  He gave voice to the socially unacceptable traits of sexism, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, able-ism, and un-earned privilege, validating the thread of bigoted hate that has always permeated the underbelly of American society, in lesser and more vocal ways.

Music as the Universal Language of Emotional Expression

I work with my clients often from a Music Therapy perspective, encouraging them to match their current social, emotional, and interpersonal challenges (and successes) to songs from pop music and especially show tunes.  These are songs in the context of a musical play that are sung by a vivid character in the context of a story, in a particular situation or circumstance, when the character’s emotions become so strong that mere speaking doesn’t fully express the passion of them, and singing does.  The history of the uniquely American Musical Theatre has depicted this wonderfully over the past century or so.  My gay therapist mentor from New York, the wonderful (late) Michael Shernoff, LCSW, used to say, “There is a show tune for every occasion!”

When I suggest to a client that they hear or revisit a song, listening to the lyrics can often validate and comfort what that client is feeling, tapping into the universality of music.  One of the things that can make music enormously popular is its universality, and the sense of identification listeners have with the emotions expressed through the lyrics (and musical arrangement/orchestration) of a recorded song, even if the original author of the song was thinking of another situation entirely.

Let’s look at some of the songs that composer and lyricist, Stephen Schwartz, wrote for the score of “Wicked,” that complement the “book” or libretto scenes by Winnie Holtzman:

Songs of “Wicked”

1. The Wizard and I – Sung by Elphaba, this is a song of Elphaba’s fond dreams and ambitions that her recently-discovered skills in magic and sorcery could be recognized as special and valuable to the Wizard, and her teacher, Madame Morrible, is happy to arrange the meeting, with her own nefarious ulterior motives.  Gay men often respond to songs of exuberance, such as gay anthems we hear at Pride or in dance clubs, worldwide, that help us escape from the banality of Minority Stress in life and help us to re-focus on empowered, positive ideas, surrounded by our gay brothers (as dysfunctional as that “family” can be, sometimes).
2. One Short Day – Elphaba and Glinda further this idea of their ambitions, and the excitement of escaping a small town and having the opportunity to visit the “big city” of the Emerald City, kind of reflecting how gay men often leave smaller towns and cities to be a part of bigger, more glamorous, and more progressive/gay-friendly larger cities, globally.
3. I’m Not That Girl – Elphaba’s initial disappointment that Glinda seems to have caught the heart of the hunky guy prince, Fiyero, is expressed in her song of wistful longing. Gay men have had plenty of this feeling, such as having a crush on the guy in high school or college who turns out to be straight, or turns out to be very gay – just not attracted to us.  The recognition that loss is a part of life is expressed here, and gay men have plenty of that when a relationship doesn’t work out, or it does, but something happens that it doesn’t last.
4. Popular – Elphaba and Glinda get better acquainted and become friends with Glinda’s oh-so-generous proposal to “make over” Elphaba and coach her into being socially popular at Shiz University with the “proper ploys, when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce,” that “celebrated heads of state, especially Great Communicators” (a subtle nod to that nickname that Ronald Reagan had, a viciously anti-gay President who ignored the AIDS crisis, allowing thousands of gay men to die who might have been saved had there been more technology, sooner) did not have “brains or knowledge,” they were merely popular. With the politics of social cliques, appearance privilege, social capital, and strategic associations among gay men, we know all about this.
5. Dancing Through Life – Prince Fiyero sings this song of his self-identity making his case for anti-intellectualism and less stress when you’re “brainless” (later becoming the Scarecrow of Oz). He’s the original Party Boy, trading on his atomic appearance privilege and social influence.  We all know gay men who seemingly have no visible means of support, yet they are at all the parties, all the circuit events, all the gay travel destinations.  Are we annoyed by them, or do we envy them?  Maybe some of both.  But we all know a “Fiyero” or two in our gay social circles.
6. Defying Gravity – Elphaba’s closing of Act One anthem of self-empowerment and defiant determination to vanquish anyone who stands in her way of her cause, including the formerly-intimidating fraud of a “wizard,” is a modern classic that most gay men can relate to, not unlike other act-one-closing anthems of musicals, such as “I Am What I Am” from “La Cage Aux Folles” in 1983, by the late gay (and HIV-positive) composer/lyricist, Jerry Herman. The grand anthems of musicals and others in pop music can make gay men especially feel validated, fueled, energized, and even invincible in the face of the social and legal challenges we face.  Songs can inspire us, especially when we tap into the defiance we have to fight injustice, and to thrive, despite those who very specifically work against us – usually from without, but sometimes even within our own community, such as rivals or old enemies that come from jealousy or even business competition (I’ll have another article on Gay Men and Toxic Competition in business at another time).
7. For Good – At the end of a musical, just like at the end of life, we have a certain denouement, and bringing together of the elements to reach some kind of détente, peace, or conclusion. For Elphaba and Glinda, their mixed friendship culminates in a song that encapsulates the highs and lows of their friendship, like so many interpersonal relationships we have in the course of a lifetime.  Gay men who get, break up, and reconcile with friends or even family members who previously rejected us know all about this.  It’s not always tender, moving, compassionate and bittersweet, like Elphaba and Glinda’s resolution at the end of “Wicked,” but many situations gay men face can feel like that, especially if we come to terms with our Family of Origin, the sum total of our life experience’s triumphs and disappointments, our relationship with ourselves, from self-loathing to self-acceptance to self-celebration, to “making meaning” of what “this lifetime” means for us.  For Elphaba and Glinda, they realize that merely “because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”  We all can think of people we feel that way about, imperfect though our history with them can be, no matter how our “stories end,” they remain a “handprint on our heart.”

Great movies, which “Wicked” is quickly turning out to be, not only as a commercial phenomenon as a heavily-promoted film but also a nostalgic revisiting of America and the world’s long-time fascination with the “Wizard of Oz” books, movie, and now variations, can be a highlight culturally of our lives.  Certain movies mark a place in time, of where we were in history, how old we were, who the people in our lives were, and our general circumstances, good or bad.  “Wicked” is a lively, positive, inspiring tour-de-force of production values and performances, at a time just before another presidency of Donald Trump takes place, where some gay men exalt in that, despite Trump’s significant anti-gay actions in the past, appointing the most openly anti-gay cabinet in history during his first term, and yet my research shows that many gay men support Trump and his anti-immigration, anti-environment, anti-woman, anti-government protections against LGBT discrimination, and anti-diversity stances, all predicated on the hope that he will also usher in unprecedented economic prosperity and global domination of American business.  Is this true, or he will turn out to be a “humbug,” as the “great and powerful Wizard” turns out to be, just “Oscar Diggs” from Omaha?  Time will tell.

For gay men, we just have to trust that all that happens, in the end, is “for good.”

If you would like support for your own ambitions to “defy gravity” and thrive, consider psychotherapy or coaching services with me at GayTherapyLA, at either Ken@GayTherapyLA.com, Ken@GayCoachingLA.com, or call/text 310-339-5778.  Because when someone needs a makeover, I simply have to take over; I know, I know, exactly what you need.

See you next time.

Ken Howard, LCSW, CST, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (#LCS18290) in California, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and a retired academic (Adjunct Associate Professor) at the University of Southern California (USC) Suzanne Dworak-Peck School of Social Work, and the Founder of GayTherapyLA.  He has been working in LGBT and HIV/AIDS activism since 1988.  He is now the most experienced gay men’s specialist psychotherapist and life/career/relationship coach for 32 years in 2024, and is in full-time private practice in West Hollywood, California, where he lives with his husband of 22 years.  A library of hundreds of blog articles are available on GayTherapyLA.com/blog, GayCoachingLA.com/blog, and his podcast is heard by over 10,000 people per month in over 120 countries of the world. For more information on therapy or coaching services or to make an appointment, call/text 310-339-5778 or email Ken@GayTherapyLA.com or Ken@GayCoachingLA.com.