Gay Conversion Therapy Survivors: What Was Done to You—and How It Still Affects You For over 30 years, I have worked almost exclusively with gay men as a psychotherapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. Over that time, I have seen the long arc of how cultural stigma, bad science, and ideological pressure shape the inner … Read more
Why It Feels Harder Than Ever—and What Actually Works This article comes from my work with gay men around confidence, relationships, and sexual self-understanding. If you want to see what working with me looks like: Individual Therapy (CA) | Coaching (Worldwide) Many gay men don’t talk about this directly. Still, they feel it. You may … Read more
After more than three decades as a psychotherapist and coach specializing in gay men’s mental health, I have observed a recurring developmental transition among accomplished men in midlife and later life. Many reach their late fifties or early sixties having built careers, relationships, and financial stability, only to discover that the drive which once propelled … Read more
This article comes from my work with gay men around confidence, relationships, and sexual self-understanding. If you want to see what working with me looks like: Individual Therapy (CA) | Coaching (Worldwide) by Ken Howard, LCSW, CST – Founder, GayTherapyLA.com/GayCoachingLA.com A clinical perspective on relationships, development, and what actually helps For many years, clinicians used … Read more
A developmental view—from good student to elder authority, and why the path often looks different for us When psychologists talk about human development, they don’t just mean childhood. Instead, they are referring to lifespan development: the way identity, purpose, intimacy, competence, and meaning evolve from youth through old age. The work of Erik Erikson, Harry … Read more
For so many gay men, compulsive phone use has become a quiet, constant companion. Scrolling, checking, refreshing, comparing — not just on social media but on dating apps, hookup apps, fitness feeds, curated vacation pages, and lifestyle reels. It’s nearly universal, understandable, and expected. And yet, behind the glow of the screen, something deeper is being managed: … Read more
Most gay men have heard of “fight or flight.” Some know about “freeze.” But there’s a fourth trauma response that deserves more attention in gay men’s mental health — the fawn response. If you’ve ever found yourself overly accommodating, chronically apologizing, or bending over backwards not to upset anyone — especially men you’re dating, partnered … Read more
Every autumn, the Jewish calendar ushers in Yom Kippur, the “Day of Atonement.” It is traditionally a solemn day of fasting, prayer, confession, and renewal. For observant Jews, it is the holiest day of the year. For those of us outside Judaism, though, there are still universal lessons here worth pausing to consider. I’ve written … Read more
As a psychotherapist and coach specializing in gay men for over 33 years — working with literally thousands of clients — I’ve had a unique vantage point on the patterns that emerge in our lives and our community. Again and again, I’ve noticed that many of our struggles cluster around what I call “toxic gay … Read more
By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST | GayTherapyLA.com / GayCoachingLA.com Context, Commerce, and Consequences The concept of “sex addiction” did not arise in a vacuum. In the early 1980s, amid the fear-and-moral-panic atmosphere of the AIDS crisis, sexual behavior (especially gay male sexuality) was widely framed as dangerous or even deadly. Into that climate, Patrick Carnes, … Read more
