A developmental view—from good student to elder authority, and why the path often looks different for us When psychologists talk about human development, they don’t just mean childhood. Instead, they are referring to lifespan development: the way identity, purpose, intimacy, competence, and meaning evolve from youth through old age. The work of Erik Erikson, Harry … Read more
For so many gay men, compulsive phone use has become a quiet, constant companion. Scrolling, checking, refreshing, comparing — not just on social media but on dating apps, hookup apps, fitness feeds, curated vacation pages, and lifestyle reels. It’s nearly universal, understandable, and expected. And yet, behind the glow of the screen, something deeper is being managed: … Read more
Most gay men have heard of “fight or flight.” Some know about “freeze.” But there’s a fourth trauma response that deserves more attention in gay men’s mental health — the fawn response. If you’ve ever found yourself overly accommodating, chronically apologizing, or bending over backwards not to upset anyone — especially men you’re dating, partnered … Read more
Every autumn, the Jewish calendar ushers in Yom Kippur, the “Day of Atonement.” It is traditionally a solemn day of fasting, prayer, confession, and renewal. For observant Jews, it is the holiest day of the year. For those of us outside Judaism, though, there are still universal lessons here worth pausing to consider. I’ve written … Read more
As a psychotherapist and coach specializing in gay men for over 33 years — working with literally thousands of clients — I’ve had a unique vantage point on the patterns that emerge in our lives and our community. Again and again, I’ve noticed that many of our struggles cluster around what I call “toxic gay … Read more
By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST | GayTherapyLA.com / GayCoachingLA.com Context, Commerce, and Consequences The concept of “sex addiction” did not arise in a vacuum. In the early 1980s, amid the fear-and-moral-panic atmosphere of the AIDS crisis, sexual behavior (especially gay male sexuality) was widely framed as dangerous or even deadly. Into that climate, Patrick Carnes, … Read more
In the timeless tale of Cinderella, a neglected girl is transformed—through magic, resilience, and the help of a mentor—into someone who is seen, valued, and desired. While this fairy tale has enchanted generations, its deeper themes resonate powerfully with many gay men: those whose early lives were marked by invisibility, shame, or bullying, and a … Read more
By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST GayTherapyLA.com | GayCoachingLA.com Ken@GayTherapyLA.com | 310-339-5778 “If It’s Hysterical, It’s Historical” There’s a phrase that gets thrown around in recovery circles: “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.” Meaning, if your emotional reaction feels out of proportion to the moment, you might be reacting to something much older, deeper, and unresolved. For … Read more
Gay Men and Overcoming Our Unconscious Barriers to Success By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST In so much of my work with clients, we are battling a whole list of what I call “unconscious barriers” to our own progress and success. We have inner conflicts that make us take two steps forward but then one step … Read more
Gay Men and Understanding Personality: The OCEAN Model By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST – Founder, GayTherapyLA.com Understanding what makes us who we are can deepen our relationships and improve how we connect with others. For gay men, this kind of self-knowledge can be especially powerful. It helps us navigate romantic relationships, family ties, friendships, and … Read more
