In more than three decades as a psychotherapist and coach specializing in gay men, I’ve worked with many men who are successful by almost any conventional measure. They lead organizations, practice medicine or law, build businesses, manage teams, and earn the financial security their younger selves hoped for. Yet a man can be highly accomplished … Read more
Every September, we remember the nearly 3,000 people murdered on September 11, 2001. We also confront a question that is difficult to ask without seeming to excuse the crime: How did the men who planned it come to believe that killing strangers, and dying themselves, was justified? As a psychotherapist, I have thought about that … Read more
Gay men have developed an extensive vocabulary for talking about sex and relationships. We can be tops, bottoms, versatile, vers-tops, or vers-bottoms. Sometimes we become so accustomed to those categories that we overlook the assumption beneath them: that anal intercourse will necessarily be part of sex. But what if it is not? Gay men … Read more
“When did my husband become my roommate?” It is a question I sometimes hear from gay men in therapy or coaching who are in long-term relationships. They may still love each other. They have dinner together, binge Netflix together, and know one another’s skin-care routines, family-of-origin stories, medical histories, irritating habits, favorite foods, and exactly … Read more
Success Can Build an Extraordinary Life. It Doesn’t Always Heal an Earlier One. If you judged only from outward appearances, you might reasonably conclude that many successful gay men have figured life out. They have built impressive careers, achieved financial security, cultivated meaningful friendships, and created lives that many people would envy. They are physicians, … Read more
Have you ever opened Instagram and suddenly realized everyone else seems to have been invited? Maybe it’s a quiet Saturday evening. You’re finally relaxing after a long week, scrolling without much purpose. Then you see it: six people you know are having brunch in Palm Springs, a group from your gym is celebrating someone’s birthday … Read more
As a long-term specialist in gay men’s mental health—now in my 34th year of practice as a psychotherapist and coach—I’ve worked with individuals, couples, and more complex relationship structures across a wide range of life circumstances. Over time, one pattern has emerged more often than expected: the unique challenges faced by gay male couples who … Read more
This article comes from my work with gay men around confidence, relationships, and sexual self-understanding. If you want to see what working with me looks like: Individual Therapy (CA) | Coaching (Worldwide) by Ken Howard, LCSW, CST – Founder, GayTherapyLA.com/GayCoachingLA.com A clinical perspective on relationships, development, and what actually helps For many years, clinicians used … Read more
When we hear the word wealth, most people jump to external metrics: money, net worth, assets, square footage, or investment accounts. For gay men — who often grow up trying to “prove ourselves” to families, schools, workplaces, and society — the cultural pressure to demonstrate success through financial status can feel especially strong. Over 32 … Read more
For so many gay men, compulsive phone use has become a quiet, constant companion. Scrolling, checking, refreshing, comparing — not just on social media but on dating apps, hookup apps, fitness feeds, curated vacation pages, and lifestyle reels. It’s nearly universal, understandable, and expected. And yet, behind the glow of the screen, something deeper is being managed: … Read more
