Most gay men have heard of “fight or flight.” Some know about “freeze.” But there’s a fourth trauma response that deserves more attention in gay men’s mental health — the fawn response. If you’ve ever found yourself overly accommodating, chronically apologizing, or bending over backwards not to upset anyone — especially men you’re dating, partnered … Read more
“Because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true…” That line from Wicked’s Act II number, “Thank Goodness,” always carries an irony that cuts deep: happiness is supposed to arrive when dreams are fulfilled — but what happens when the world changes so much that the dreams themselves are denied? As the upcoming … Read more
Even after we’ve built stable lives — careers, homes, long-term relationships — many gay men in mid-life still find ourselves opening Grindr, Scruff, or Recon. Sometimes it’s curiosity. Sometimes it’s libido. Sometimes it’s something harder to name. We might tell ourselves we’re “just seeing who’s around,” but underneath, the question lingers: Why am I still … Read more
I’ve been a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist for over 33 years in 2025, and I identify as a psychotherapist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, life/career/relationship Coach, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, activist, author, and educator. But in all those, I’ve been a Psychiatric Social Worker, and that means my training and experience have given me the credentials … Read more
It’s one of those tongue-in-cheek jokes that circulates in gay male culture: “The Navy is the gayest branch of the military, the Air Force is for pretty boys, and all Marines are gay bottoms.” Of course, these aren’t literally true — they’re camp exaggerations, part humor and part fantasy. But like so many gay jokes, … Read more
We’ve all heard the phrase “post-nut clarity” — that shift in perception some men describe right after orgasm, where what felt intensely appealing just moments before suddenly seems different, even irrelevant. It’s been a popular meme, but it actually points to some very real psychological and physiological processes that gay men, in particular, can recognize … Read more
By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST | GayTherapyLA.com / GayCoachingLA.com Context, Commerce, and Consequences The concept of “sex addiction” did not arise in a vacuum. In the early 1980s, amid the fear-and-moral-panic atmosphere of the AIDS crisis, sexual behavior (especially gay male sexuality) was widely framed as dangerous or even deadly. Into that climate, Patrick Carnes, … Read more
In the timeless tale of Cinderella, a neglected girl is transformed—through magic, resilience, and the help of a mentor—into someone who is seen, valued, and desired. While this fairy tale has enchanted generations, its deeper themes resonate powerfully with many gay men: those whose early lives were marked by invisibility, shame, or bullying, and a … Read more
Radical Erotic Aging: Gay Men, Desire, and the Audacity to Stay Sexy By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST GayTherapyLA.com | GayCoachingLA.com Ken@GayTherapyLA.com | 310-339-5778 Let me tell you something I know in my bones: aging as a gay man in this culture is not for the faint of heart. After 33 years of working with thousands … Read more
Gilligan’s Island and the Seven Deadly Sins: What a 60s Sitcom Can Teach Gay Men About Shame, Identity, and Survival By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST GayTherapyLA.com | GayCoachingLA.com Ken@GayTherapyLA.com | 310-339-5778 Some blog articles come from my work with clients. Others come from patterns I observe in gay male culture, or even questions asked during … Read more
