“It’s been months. Why am I still thinking about him every day?” In my work over 30 years as a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist and coach, I’ve heard some version of this question many times. Sometimes it comes from a man whose relationship lasted fifteen or twenty years and whose entire adult life had become … Read more
“When did my husband become my roommate?” It is a question I sometimes hear from gay men in therapy or coaching who are in long-term relationships. They may still love each other. They have dinner together, binge Netflix together, and know one another’s skin-care routines, family-of-origin stories, medical histories, irritating habits, favorite foods, and exactly … Read more
Every so often, a client asks me a question that sounds straightforward but turns out to be about something else entirely. He does not begin by asking whether he and his partner should have an open relationship, or some form of consensual non-monogamy. Instead, he tells me they have not had sex in more than … Read more
Success Can Build an Extraordinary Life. It Doesn’t Always Heal an Earlier One. If you judged only from outward appearances, you might reasonably conclude that many successful gay men have figured life out. They have built impressive careers, achieved financial security, cultivated meaningful friendships, and created lives that many people would envy. They are physicians, … Read more
Have you ever opened Instagram and suddenly realized everyone else seems to have been invited? Maybe it’s a quiet Saturday evening. You’re finally relaxing after a long week, scrolling without much purpose. Then you see it: six people you know are having brunch in Palm Springs, a group from your gym is celebrating someone’s birthday … Read more
Why It Feels Harder Than Ever—and What Actually Works This article comes from my work with gay men around confidence, relationships, and sexual self-understanding. If you want to see what working with me looks like: Individual Therapy (CA) | Coaching (Worldwide) Many gay men don’t talk about this directly. Still, they feel it. You may … Read more
As a long-term specialist in gay men’s mental health—now in my 34th year of practice as a psychotherapist and coach—I’ve worked with individuals, couples, and more complex relationship structures across a wide range of life circumstances. Over time, one pattern has emerged more often than expected: the unique challenges faced by gay male couples who … Read more
I’ve spent more than 30 years helping gay men navigate breakups, divorces, and relationship endings—not just as a psychotherapist and sex therapist, but as someone who has lived through loss myself. Breakups don’t simply end relationships; they destabilize identity, emotional regulation, daily routines, and future orientation. This article is written for the immediate aftermath—when your … Read more
Even after we’ve built stable lives — careers, homes, long-term relationships — many gay men in mid-life still find ourselves opening Grindr, Scruff, or Recon. Sometimes it’s curiosity. Sometimes it’s libido. Sometimes it’s something harder to name. We might tell ourselves we’re “just seeing who’s around,” but underneath, the question lingers: Why am I still … Read more
Every autumn, the Jewish calendar ushers in Yom Kippur, the “Day of Atonement.” It is traditionally a solemn day of fasting, prayer, confession, and renewal. For observant Jews, it is the holiest day of the year. For those of us outside Judaism, though, there are still universal lessons here worth pausing to consider. I’ve written … Read more
