It’s a safe bet that every psychotherapist eventually will work with adults, male or female, who are survivors (I prefer this term over the word, “victims”) of childhood sexual abuse, incest, or sexual assault. For the past 26 years, I have been a psychotherapist who specializes in working with gay men, and when I work … Read more
Moving in with your partner is a wonderful rite-of-passage in a relationship. It extends the level of commitment from “boyfriends” to domestic partners, or, now, spouses. I always say that a relationship has to work on four levels: 1) emotionally; 2) physically (including your sex life); 3) domestically (making a home together); and 4) managing … Read more
Not long ago, one of my clients, “Ryan” (not his real name) gave me permission to talk about one of his experiences in therapy for this blog. He was talking about flirtations. Ryan and his partner have been in a long-term, monogamous relationship for about 6 years. But truth be told, even though they only … Read more
A therapist’s office (similar to a physician’s or lawyer’s office) is a place to talk about things that would be difficult to talk about almost anywhere else except behind closed doors at home. This is why psychotherapy has a long tradition of strict confidentiality: what’s said in therapy, stays in therapy, with the exception of … Read more
In the sport of hockey, somehow it became acceptable — even preferred — for its players to not only skate around on ice and toss a puck around, soccer-style, with sticks, but also occasionally to break out in fights. You always know when one is about to happen. Somebody does or says something to piss … Read more
[This is from 2014, so some of the references are outdated like the evolution of marriage equality laws. We’ve come a long way!] What an amazing turn of events for marriage equality in a relatively short time this year! For a terribly long time, gay couples have pleaded, waited, marched, lobbied, and battled for the … Read more
As gay men, we all feel it from time to time. We go to a theme park and see the seemingly benevolent young father (OK, a “DILF“). We see the interaction between father and son, or father and daughter, and there is a pang in your heart in recognizing the fact that he has something … Read more
Recently, some clients in my psychotherapy practice, which for 27 years has focused on the mental health and well-being of adult gay men, have been discussing the role and value of a “fuck buddy” in their lives. While all sexual topics (even in our “modern” age) seem to come fraught with controversy these days (and … Read more
It would be easy if you both earned exactly the same, wouldn’t it? That doesn’t happen in real life, though, and almost every couple deals with an income gap. When the gap is large, you really have to be on your game to keep it from becoming a big and continuing problem. It’s important that … Read more
In my psychotherapy practice as a gay men’s specialty therapist for over 25 years, no topic among couples therapy is more frequent than that of the “monogamy vs. non-monogamy” debate. This is not an easy topic, and trying to over-simplify it just gets you into trouble. It IS, indeed, complex, and it takes time and … Read more
