Gay Men Open Relationship Ground Rules: Who What When Where Why?

Gay Men Open Relationship and Consensual Non-Monogamy Ground Rules: Who What When Where Why? Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is often more common in gay male relationships than discussed, yet it still carries complexities and challenges. As a psychotherapist with 32 years of experience specializing in working with gay men (as individuals, couples, or polycules), I’ve observed … Read more

Gay Men and Consensual Non-Monogamy Early in Relationships

three bearded me in plaid camping deposit photo 2 8 21

Gay Men and Consensual Non-Monogamy Early in Relationships The curriculum that trains AASECT Certified Sex Therapists like myself (which includes hundreds of hours of instruction, four in-person weekend seminars, 50 hours of clinical supervision in not less than 18 months of experience, and continuing education weekend seminar updates each year), frequently addresses the “style” of … Read more

Tips for Problem-Solving in Gay Men’s Open Relationships from a Gay Therapist

relationship counseling for gay men

Problem-Solving in Gay Men’s Open Relationships:  Special Topics In a number of previous blog articles on gay men’s relationships in general, and gay open relationships in particular, such as How to Have An Open Relationship Without Hurt Feelings, Part One and Part Two, I’ve discussed how research shows that about half of gay male couples … Read more

Gay Male Relationships: How Can I Prevent My Partner from Cheating? Common Reasons for Cheating and How to Manage Them

man sneaking dollar photo

In my psychotherapy practice specializing in gay male individuals and gay male couples over the past 24 years, I have worked with many guys who need help because they are upset after discovering that their boyfriend or partner/spouse was “cheating” on them. I hesitate to even use the word “cheating” because it implies that it’s … Read more

Three’s Company: The Right Way and the Wrong Way to Have a Gay Men’s Three-Way

three gay men remote dollar photo 1

A therapist’s office (similar to a physician’s or lawyer’s office) is a place to talk about things that would be difficult to talk about almost anywhere else except behind closed doors at home.  This is why psychotherapy has a long tradition of strict confidentiality:  what’s said in therapy, stays in therapy, with the exception of … Read more

The Role and Value of the “F—Buddy” or Friend with Benefits for Gay Men

kh pp sexy man on bed dollar photo

Recently, some clients in my psychotherapy practice, which for 27 years has focused on the mental health and well-being of adult gay men, have been discussing the role and value of a “fuck buddy” in their lives.  While all sexual topics (even in our “modern” age) seem to come fraught with controversy these days (and … Read more

No More ‘Cheating’ Part II: How Gay Men Can Have an Open Relationship Without Hurt Feelings

smiling gay male couple on a beach
gay male couple on beach
Gay men in open relationships need lots of communication.

Part II: Identifying and Implementing Your Options

In my previous article, Part I of this topic, I described how in my work as a psychotherapist specializing in gay men and their relationships, very often I see couples expressing a desire to eliminate “cheating” in a relationship by bravely, candidly, and sensitively discussing their options about how and why either or both partners might desire occasional sex outside the relationship, and how this does not have to be unhealthy or damaging to the relationship. Studies of gay male relationships over the years have explained how it is culturally relatively more acceptable in gay male relationships (more so than in any other kind of human relationship) to have a primary partner but allow sexual play with others.

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