Monogamy/Non-Monogamy/Open Relationships Archives

Gay Men Open Relationship Ground Rules: Who What When Where Why?

September 27, 2024 by Ken

Gay Men Open Relationship and Consensual Non-Monogamy Ground Rules: Who What When Where Why? Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is often more common in gay male relationships than discussed, yet it still carries complexities and challenges. As a psychotherapist with 32 years of experience specializing in working with gay men (as individuals, couples, or polycules), I’ve observed … Read more

The Six Principles of Sexual Health as Applied to Gay Men: A Guide

April 12, 2021April 12, 2021 by Ken

gay couple in underwear in embrace deposit photo April 2021

I’ve been enjoying my recent completion of the Certified Sex Therapist credential from AASECT, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. I achieved this not only from my long experience as a gay men’s specialist therapist (29 years in 2021), but also through completing an 18-month continuing education program for therapists provided by … Read more

Tips for Problem-Solving in Gay Men’s Open Relationships from a Gay Therapist

September 18, 2019November 21, 2017 by Ken

Problem-Solving in Gay Men’s Open Relationships: Special Topics In a number of previous blog articles on gay men’s relationships in general, and gay open relationships in particular, such as How to Have An Open Relationship Without Hurt Feelings, Part One and Part Two, I’ve discussed how research shows that about half of gay male couples … Read more

Gay Male Relationships: How Can I Prevent My Partner from Cheating? Common Reasons for Cheating and How to Manage Them

May 18, 2020January 21, 2016 by Ken

In my psychotherapy practice specializing in gay male individuals and gay male couples over the past 24 years, I have worked with many guys who need help because they are upset after discovering that their boyfriend or partner/spouse was “cheating” on them. I hesitate to even use the word “cheating” because it implies that it’s … Read more

The Value of Flirtations in a Gay Male Monogamous Relationship

May 18, 2020January 6, 2015 by Ken

Not long ago, one of my clients, “Ryan” (not his real name) gave me permission to talk about one of his experiences in therapy for this blog. He was talking about flirtations. Ryan and his partner have been in a long-term, monogamous relationship for about 6 years. But truth be told, even though they only … Read more

Three’s Company: The Right Way and the Wrong Way to Have a Gay Men’s Three-Way

May 18, 2020December 10, 2014 by Ken

A therapist’s office (similar to a physician’s or lawyer’s office) is a place to talk about things that would be difficult to talk about almost anywhere else except behind closed doors at home. This is why psychotherapy has a long tradition of strict confidentiality: what’s said in therapy, stays in therapy, with the exception of … Read more

The Role and Value of the “F—Buddy” or Friend with Benefits for Gay Men

July 19, 2019September 26, 2014 by Ken

Recently, some clients in my psychotherapy practice, which for 27 years has focused on the mental health and well-being of adult gay men, have been discussing the role and value of a “fuck buddy” in their lives. While all sexual topics (even in our “modern” age) seem to come fraught with controversy these days (and … Read more

Hotter Monogamy for Gay Men

January 18, 2020September 7, 2014 by Ken

In my psychotherapy practice as a gay men’s specialty therapist for over 25 years, no topic among couples therapy is more frequent than that of the “monogamy vs. non-monogamy” debate. This is not an easy topic, and trying to over-simplify it just gets you into trouble. It IS, indeed, complex, and it takes time and … Read more

Gay Therapist Gives Gay Relationship Tips: Resist the Urge to Snoop!

February 26, 2022January 28, 2013 by Ken

After 27 years as a therapist who specializes in gay men and couples, I’ve seen many problems in relationships repeat, over and over. One of these is the issue of couples who are struggling to deal with jealousy. And among jealousy issues, is snooping. Snooping is any act where one partner is doing something secretly … Read more

No More ‘Cheating’ Part II: How Gay Men Can Have an Open Relationship Without Hurt Feelings

May 1, 2022March 24, 2008 by Ken

gay male couple on beach — Gay men in open relationships need lots of communication.

Part II: Identifying and Implementing Your Options

In my previous article, Part I of this topic, I described how in my work as a psychotherapist specializing in gay men and their relationships, very often I see couples expressing a desire to eliminate “cheating” in a relationship by bravely, candidly, and sensitively discussing their options about how and why either or both partners might desire occasional sex outside the relationship, and how this does not have to be unhealthy or damaging to the relationship. Studies of gay male relationships over the years have explained how it is culturally relatively more acceptable in gay male relationships (more so than in any other kind of human relationship) to have a primary partner but allow sexual play with others.