Ken 
Dear Ken,
My son is 26 years old, and I’m his mother. I live in a suburb of a major American city. My son just told me he is HIV-positive. How do I respond to this? I love my son, and I want him to be happy and healthy, but I’m just now sure “how” to react. Any advice?
Signed, Worried Mom
Dear Worried Mom,
Dear Ken,I’m impressed with your website, but I’m just afraid to come in. I’m afraid what it will cost, and that I might not like what I see when I really look at myself. How do I feel safe in coming in to see you?
Reluctant Patient
Dear Reluctant,
The Mental Health Aspects of Crystal Meth Recovery
In my long career working as a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist, coach, and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, as the founder of GayTherapyLA, perhaps no issue is hotter in the gay community these days than that of Crystal Meth. It seems everyone is either doing it themselves, or knows someone who uses regularly, and almost everyone knows someone who “has a problem” with it – from problem use that affects their job or relationships, to full-on addiction that has the same effect as a major medical illness. In my work as a psychotherapist, nearly one-third of my practice consists of gay men who are trying to get off, and stay off, using crystal. While various drug treatment centers exist, and while AA and CMA are vital resources in the community, the mental health aspects of crystal use deserve more attention and discussion in the community.
Part II: Identifying and Implementing Your Options
In my previous article, Part I of this topic, I described how in my work as a psychotherapist specializing in gay men and their relationships, very often I see couples expressing a desire to eliminate “cheating” in a relationship by bravely, candidly, and sensitively discussing their options about how and why either or both partners might desire occasional sex outside the relationship, and how this does not have to be unhealthy or damaging to the relationship. Studies of gay male relationships over the years have explained how it is culturally relatively more acceptable in gay male relationships (more so than in any other kind of human relationship) to have a primary partner but allow sexual play with others.
Part I: Gay Men’s Open Relationships: Starting a Dialogue With Your Partner
Perhaps no word in relationships, including those between gay men, is as inflammatory as “cheating” – the slang to denote one person in a relationship having sex with someone outside of that relationship in a way that too often results in feelings of anger, betrayal, and disappointment in the remaining partner. Yet some would say this dynamic simply borrows from an antiquated Legendary psychotherapist Michael Shernoff, LCSW, who has been an author, professor, and therapist specializing in gay men’s issues in New York City for over 30 years,
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=269518430 Ken gives helpful tips to start your day on a good note, and end your day with appreciation for all that the day has brought.
The book below, Affirmative Gay Relationships, I think really should be called “Affirmative Gay Dating” instead, because it’s largely about how to find a boyfriend, which is one of the topics I hear most often in my work with gay men. It’s written by a trusted colleague who is also an LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social … Read more
While the holiday season can be a time of great fun and festive celebrations all over town for you and your friends or family, for many gay men it can be a time of increased stress. These holiday stressors can include: Not having a partner at a particularly “romantic” time of year Having family visiting … Read more
Dear Editor:
Regarding the LA Gay & Lesbian Center’s new “HIV is a Gay Disease – Own It, End It; social marketing and advertising campaign (“HIV Ads Embrace, and Stun, Audience” (Sharon Bernstein, September 30): As a gay man living with HIV since 1990, and since that time working in HIV mental health and social services in various community agencies (including the LA Gay & Lesbian Center), and as currently a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in serving gay men, including many living with HIV, I am deeply offended by this campaign. I find this campaign heinous as much for what it isn’t as for what it is. It is a throwback to the early days of the AIDS crisis when anti-gay forces in this country used AIDS as “justification” to hate and discriminate against the entire gay community, without realizing that AIDS is a disease caused by a virus that can strike anyone –
In my work providing counseling for couples of all kinds (M-W, W-W, M-M), I find that the partners frustrate themselves all too frequently by falling into certain common traps that impair communication. These are some of the ones I see; the “roles” that you want to avoid in order to have productive communication:
