Gay Therapist Tips for Overcoming Fetish Guilt and Embracing Full-Spectrum Sexuality

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Last night I had the opportunity to attend the annual Mr. LA Leather event, part of LA Leather Pride Week.  One of my colleagues in the gay therapist community, Justin Natoli, MA, MFT Intern, who recently wrote a great piece on non-monogamy in gay male relationships, was one of the contestants. Another therapist colleague was … Read more

How ‘Uptown Funk’ Treadmill Dancer Carson Dean is a Hero for Our Times

This otherwise fairly normal news week in cyberspace was punctuated with a vibrant exclamation point in the form of the viral video  currently circulating the globe from a young Los Angeles gymnast, singer, dancer, model, and choreographer by the name of Carson Dean (or, as he is known most this week, “that guy doing that … Read more

A Gay Therapist Weighs in on Gay Men and the Bar/Club/Party Scene: When Is ‘Enough is Enough’?

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[A friend of mine who has experience in bar/club promotion was talking to me at an Oscar party and was waxing philosophical about a variety of issues in the gay community.  We are both middle-aged, and he was musing about when “enough is enough” for gay men in participating in the bar/club/party scene.  He told … Read more

Gay Men Keeping Perspective: Quality of Life for A Place in History

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Many factors affect your quality of life, just day-to-day.  But one tip that I have used that helps me, and the clients I counsel and coach, is to keep perspective about your personal life, your work, and your social life in an historical context of the age in history in which we live.  Many people … Read more

Gay Men in Common Crisis Situations: Steps for Handling Them

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Gay men in crisis are usually experiencing an event that is outside your everyday routine, and it requires a special response.  It involves a rallying of what I call “internal resources” — such as calm, focus, determination, courage, and persistence, as well as outside resources, which could include things like emergency medical help, psychiatric emergency … Read more

The Psychosocial Aspects of PrEP: Cause for Collaboration

As a psychotherapist who has worked as a specialist in gay men’s and HIV mental health for over 23 years, I have always maintained that HIV/AIDS is more than a medical issue; it’s a psychosocial one as well.  As Chair of the LA County HIV Mental Health Task Force for 9 years, we advocated for … Read more

Gay Male Relationships and Storing Stuff: From Collector to Hoarder (Hoarding Disorder)

Moving in with your partner is a wonderful rite-of-passage in a relationship.  It extends the level of commitment from “boyfriends” to domestic partners, or, now, spouses.  I always say that a relationship has to work on four levels: 1) emotionally; 2) physically (including your sex life); 3) domestically (making a home together); and 4) managing … Read more

Gay Men’s Success in Building a Business or Self-Employment: If You Build It, They Will Come

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One of the things that I do in my practice as a specialist in therapy for gay men (27 years), as well as career coaching for gay men, that most other therapists don’t do, is that I provide career and business coaching sessions (in my office, over the phone, or over Skype) for guys who … Read more

The Value of Flirtations in a Gay Male Monogamous Relationship

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Not long ago, one of my clients, “Ryan” (not his real name) gave me permission to talk about one of his experiences in therapy for this blog.  He was talking about flirtations.  Ryan and his partner have been in a long-term, monogamous relationship for about 6 years.  But truth be told, even though they only … Read more