Gay Men and The Serenity of Acceptance, Courage, Wisdom

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One of the most rewarding parts of my long (28 years!) career as a gay men’s specialist therapist and coach is the variety of guys that I’ve had the pleasure to work with.  There is so much variety to their initial issues or challenges that they are presenting to treatment with, and yet often I … Read more

Gay Men’s Relationships: Reconciling the Living Room with the Bedroom

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Gay Men’s Relationships: Reconciling the Living Room with the Bedroom In my long career (27 years) working with gay male couples as a therapist and relationship coach, I tend to see the same problems gay male couples have in therapy over and over – but, fortunately, there are often similar solutions.  One of the professional … Read more

Topics in Sex Therapy for Gay Men:  Overcoming Fear of Topping

kh pp eggplant emoji deposit photo June 2019

[WARNING: CONTAINS SEX THERAPY CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR UNDER 18] In part one of this two-part article on gay men’s fears in sex, I discussed the fear of bottoming.  In this part, we look at gay men who have a fear of topping instead. I’ve been a specialist in therapy and coaching for gay men … Read more

Topics in Sex Therapy for Gay Men:  Overcoming Fear of Bottoming

kh pp peach emoticon June 2019

[WARNING: CONTAINS SEX THERAPY CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR UNDER 18] I’ve been a specialist in therapy and coaching for gay men for over 27 years, as individuals and couples.  I work with guys on lots of issues and disorders, such as depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, ADD, substance abuse recovery, dating skills, career planning, and couples … Read more

The Gym/Fitness Connection in Gay Men’s Mental Health

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It’s not true that all gay men spend an inordinate amount of time in the gym, but it sure seems like it’s all of them.  For most gay men, it’s just routine.  There is something about gay male culture world-wide that seems to support the “gym lifestyle”, whether it’s for health reasons or for the … Read more

Fear No Leather: BDSM Play for Gay Men Who Are Scared Stiff

man shirtless with riding crop bdsm deposit photo Feb 2021

Fear No Leather:  Benefits of BDSM Play for Gay Men Who Are Scared Stiff (keywords: gay bdsm, leather, rubber, s/m, b/d, kink) Imagine for a moment that you are overhearing someone talking.  They are saying the following: “Ewwww.  I just don’t get those guys.  That’s just weird.  It’s unnatural.  You’ve got to be sick to … Read more

No More ‘Cheating’ Part II: How Gay Men Can Have an Open Relationship Without Hurt Feelings

smiling gay male couple on a beach
gay male couple on beach
Gay men in open relationships need lots of communication.

Part II: Identifying and Implementing Your Options

In my previous article, Part I of this topic, I described how in my work as a psychotherapist specializing in gay men and their relationships, very often I see couples expressing a desire to eliminate “cheating” in a relationship by bravely, candidly, and sensitively discussing their options about how and why either or both partners might desire occasional sex outside the relationship, and how this does not have to be unhealthy or damaging to the relationship. Studies of gay male relationships over the years have explained how it is culturally relatively more acceptable in gay male relationships (more so than in any other kind of human relationship) to have a primary partner but allow sexual play with others.

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