Ken Howard, LCSW

Finding Mr. Right in Gay Men’s Dating: The Six Lights Theory

September 8, 2019September 24, 2008 by Ken

In my private practice as a psychotherapist, I work frequently with gay couples seeking conjoint therapy to address a variety of challenges in their relationships. In my practice in therapy for gay men since 1992, I have come to notice certain consistent patterns in what drives conflict between either long-term couples, or couples who recently … Read more

Inspiration from Music: Dolly Parton’s “Better Get to Livin'”

January 20, 2016September 22, 2008 by Ken

In my work as a psychotherapist and life coach, I am always grateful for the many and varied sources of inspiration that come my way. The latest uplifting piece of material I’ve come across is in music, and in another article, I’ve written about songs that can be inspiring and empowering. There is a relatively … Read more

Breaking the Ice: Gay Men’s Conversational Skills and How to Use Therapy to Overcome Shyness

December 14, 2021July 16, 2008 by Ken

As a psychotherapist in private practice focusing on gay men, I love the diversity I see in my work. No two clients are alike, except for one issue that I see frequently – which is social anxiety. Many guys come to me and want help to overcome shyness. One of the biggest misconceptions that I’ve … Read more

Twelve Tips for a Successful Hospital Stay

January 20, 2016April 23, 2008 by Ken

My recent three-day stay in a somewhat-small-by-LA-standards but rather posh urban hospital took away the up-until-now, 43-year virginity I had to hospital stays. I had no idea what to expect, but now that I’m out, I wanted to share my experience so that perhaps I might be of help to someone else who is facing … Read more

Election Blues from Panicking Pollster

April 18, 2008 by Ken

Dear Shrink,

I’m a 22-year-old gay male and I’m a little too deep into election news. I can’t get enough of the news, information online, and newspaper and magazine articles. I follow the polls like a stalker, hoping that my favored candidate is ahead. If we get another anti-gay President, I’m going to scream. How do I deal with my election obsession?

Read more

Supportive an HIV-Positive Family Member – “The Worried Mom”

July 19, 2019March 24, 2008 by Ken

Dear Ken,

My son is 26 years old, and I’m his mother. I live in a suburb of a major American city. My son just told me he is HIV-positive. How do I respond to this? I love my son, and I want him to be happy and healthy, but I’m just now sure “how” to react. Any advice?

Signed, Worried Mom

Dear Worried Mom,

Coming Into Therapy Scary

March 24, 2008 by Ken

Dear Ken,I’m impressed with your website, but I’m just afraid to come in. I’m afraid what it will cost, and that I might not like what I see when I really look at myself. How do I feel safe in coming in to see you?

Reluctant Patient

Dear Reluctant,

Getting Crystal Clear: A New Deal (Crystal Meth Recovery) for Gay Men

March 29, 2022March 24, 2008 by Ken

Counseling, Therapy and Coaching for Gay Men in Los Angeles, California

The Mental Health Aspects of Crystal Meth Recovery

In my long career working as a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist, coach, and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, as the founder of GayTherapyLA, perhaps no issue is hotter in the gay community these days than that of Crystal Meth. It seems everyone is either doing it themselves, or knows someone who uses regularly, and almost everyone knows someone who “has a problem” with it – from problem use that affects their job or relationships, to full-on addiction that has the same effect as a major medical illness. In my work as a psychotherapist, nearly one-third of my practice consists of gay men who are trying to get off, and stay off, using crystal. While various drug treatment centers exist, and while AA and CMA are vital resources in the community, the mental health aspects of crystal use deserve more attention and discussion in the community.

No More ‘Cheating’ Part II: How Gay Men Can Have an Open Relationship Without Hurt Feelings

May 1, 2022March 24, 2008 by Ken

gay male couple on beach — Gay men in open relationships need lots of communication.

Part II: Identifying and Implementing Your Options

In my previous article, Part I of this topic, I described how in my work as a psychotherapist specializing in gay men and their relationships, very often I see couples expressing a desire to eliminate “cheating” in a relationship by bravely, candidly, and sensitively discussing their options about how and why either or both partners might desire occasional sex outside the relationship, and how this does not have to be unhealthy or damaging to the relationship. Studies of gay male relationships over the years have explained how it is culturally relatively more acceptable in gay male relationships (more so than in any other kind of human relationship) to have a primary partner but allow sexual play with others.

No More ‘Cheating’ Part I: How Gay Men Can Have an Open Relationship Without Hurt Feelings

March 7, 2019March 17, 2008 by Ken

Part I: Gay Men’s Open Relationships: Starting a Dialogue With Your Partner

Perhaps no word in relationships, including those between gay men, is as inflammatory as “cheating” – the slang to denote one person in a relationship having sex with someone outside of that relationship in a way that too often results in feelings of anger, betrayal, and disappointment in the remaining partner. Yet some would say this dynamic simply borrows from an antiquated Legendary psychotherapist Michael Shernoff, LCSW, who has been an author, professor, and therapist specializing in gay men’s issues in New York City for over 30 years,