Gay Men Keeping Perspective: Quality of Life for A Place in History

gay couple holding hands

Many factors affect your quality of life, just day-to-day.  But one tip that I have used that helps me, and the clients I counsel and coach, is to keep perspective about your personal life, your work, and your social life in an historical context of the age in history in which we live.  Many people … Read more

Gay Men in Common Crisis Situations: Steps for Handling Them

frustration dollar photo

Gay men in crisis are usually experiencing an event that is outside your everyday routine, and it requires a special response.  It involves a rallying of what I call “internal resources” — such as calm, focus, determination, courage, and persistence, as well as outside resources, which could include things like emergency medical help, psychiatric emergency … Read more

Gay Men in Recovery: 4 Tips to Cope with HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)

hungry angry man

Sounds dire, doesn’t it? Here you are, doing the good, hard work it takes to get clean and sober.  But on top of your daily struggle, you’re warned (usually in AA) that you may have four other demons to confront: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. These are the unsettlers that may tempt you to head back … Read more

Positive Life Changes for 2014: Think Big, Start Small

Happy New Year!  I like to send my New Year’s greeting to my subscribers during the SECOND week of the year.  Why? Because everyone does it around January 1st, and it’s easy for all the “New Year Resolution/Make This Year Best Year Yet” messages to get mixed up. As inspiring and valuable as material from … Read more

Self-Empowerment Through Music: The ‘Power Playlist’

If you’re like me, you can’t go to the gym without your music.  I derive inspiration, energy, and stamina from my personal selections of playlists to energize my entire fitness routine.  At home, I will put on music when I have to do some mindless but nevertheless necessary chore.  And when I’m feeling not-so-great, physically … Read more

Gay Therapists Gives Tips on How Gay Men Build Confidence

One of the most common themes I see in my office doing counseling, psychotherapy, and coaching with gay male individuals and gay couples is that of low self-esteem and low self-confidence.  It’s not surprising; as little gay boys, we get exposed to anti-gay messages outright, or at least to the “invisibility” that comes with the … Read more

Gay Men’s Mental Health in the Current Political Climate: A Lesson in Hope and Resilience

As the first activities in the 2012 election season begin with events like the recent Republican Iowa Straw Poll, I have noticed an increase in reported stress in my daily practice of therapy with gay men.  It seems that the rhetoric in the news daily is an irritant to the men I work with in … Read more

Gay Men Conquering Anxiety with… Probability??

edward everett horton

Gay Men Conquering Anxiety:   Think about how you’ve been  feeling lately.  Felt any anxiety? If no, perhaps get another cup of coffee, read another blog, or go back to work.  🙂 But my guess is, yes, you have felt at least some anxiety about something in relatively recent times.  Like maybe this morning. I … Read more

December 16, 2010: The HIV ‘Cure’ and Never Say Never

With the news this week that a man has been declared officially “cured” of HIV by way of stem cell therapy (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/14/hiv-cure-berlin-patient_n_796521.html), I was heartened, to say the least. Immediately, my mind went to two things: one was about what this means for the immediate future of HIV eradication research, and how soon could something … Read more

Self-Empowerment for Gay Men and the Three Resources: Time, Energy, Money

Self-empowerment for gay men means managing your resources of time, energy, and money. 

Over the course of my 18 years as a psychotherapist in private practice in West Hollywood, California, I’ve come to utilize a number of phrases that summarize the wisdom of various theorists from Sigmund Freud, the “founder” of psychotherapy, to Louise Hay, an 80’s New Age inspirational author. But, also along the way, I’ve developed a few phrases of my own, “Ken-isms” I like to call them, based on my many observations, that have helped many people in various classic problem situations that I see over and over. Perhaps my favorite concept in treatment is “self-empowerment” (which is the name of my upcoming book, Self-Empowerment: Have the Life You Want!), because I believe in helping people empower themselves to improve their quality of life in various areas, such as your health, mental health, relationships, career, and finances. One of my favorite “Ken-isms” is encouraging my clients to spend their resources of Time, Energy, and Money according to their Values, Priorities, and Goals. What does this mean? Let’s take each one of those six elements:

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