Gay Men’s Mental Health: 5 Tips for an Optimal Spring/Summer

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Gay Men’s Mental Health:  5 Tips for an Optimal Spring/Summer Spring has sprung!  Spring is a nice time of year for many people, because things like the doldrums of winter can be shaken off and the spring/summer seasons can usually bring a lot of nice things like sunshine, outdoor socializing, extra daylight to work/play in, … Read more

Gay Male Sexual Abuse, Incest, and Rape Survivors: Characteristics and Coping

gay man seated depressed sexual assault incest article

It’s a safe bet that every psychotherapist eventually will work with adults, male or female, who are survivors (I prefer this term over the word, “victims”) of childhood sexual abuse, incest, or sexual assault.  For the past 26 years, I have been a psychotherapist who specializes in working with gay men, and when I work … Read more

Gay Therapist Tips for Overcoming Fetish Guilt and Embracing Full-Spectrum Sexuality

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Last night I had the opportunity to attend the annual Mr. LA Leather event, part of LA Leather Pride Week.  One of my colleagues in the gay therapist community, Justin Natoli, MA, MFT Intern, who recently wrote a great piece on non-monogamy in gay male relationships, was one of the contestants. Another therapist colleague was … Read more

Three’s Company: The Right Way and the Wrong Way to Have a Gay Men’s Three-Way

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A therapist’s office (similar to a physician’s or lawyer’s office) is a place to talk about things that would be difficult to talk about almost anywhere else except behind closed doors at home.  This is why psychotherapy has a long tradition of strict confidentiality:  what’s said in therapy, stays in therapy, with the exception of … Read more

Gay Men and Body Image Struggles: Waiting for the Adonis in the Mirror

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When you wear extra layers of clothing, even when it’s not really part of the look you’re going for, or to keep warm; or when you stand to the back of every group photo; or when you avoid the gym, the pool, the beach, the hiking trail, or anywhere where you might wear less clothing; … Read more

The Tools for a Successful Gay Male Relationship: The ‘Three C’s’ of Commitment, Communication, and Compromise

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[This is from 2014, so some of the references are outdated like the evolution of marriage equality laws.  We’ve come a long way!] What an amazing turn of events for marriage equality in a relatively short time this year!  For a terribly long time, gay couples have pleaded, waited, marched, lobbied, and battled for the … Read more

Loving Someone with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

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Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and its less-severe related diagnosis, Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) can be the topic of jokes and even comedy movies.  But living with the actual disorder is no joke.  OCD is quite burdensome to live with, and it can make the partners of people living with OCD stressed-out, too.  People living with OCD … Read more

Spruce Up, Dude: Gay Men’s Grooming and Its Importance in Relationships

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I’ve been providing relationship coaching and couples therapy for gay men since 1992, and over that time, I’ve noticed some patterns that will help, and hurt, a relationship. Lots of things help, but one that thing than can hurt is complacency.  Straight people know all about this; it’s the whole “married-now-let-yourself-go” syndrome — which can … Read more

Gay Men and Depression: Finding Relief without Medications

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As a gay therapist in Los Angeles for the past 27 years, I have found that Depression is the single most-common diagnosis and presenting problem.  This is true for most therapists, from what I hear from colleagues and from my students that I teach in the advanced psychotherapy course at USC. According to many studies, … Read more

“Allied Down the Aisle”: A Premarital Counseling Program for Gay Male Couples

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  With marriage equality being achieved in more and more states, many gay male couples are contemplating getting married. This is a serious step in the life of any relationship, and many gay male couples (just like straight ones), face it with apprehension, and anxiety, mixed in with the usual thrill of excitement and profound … Read more