Ken 
“Because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true…” That line from Wicked’s Act II number, “Thank Goodness,” always carries an irony that cuts deep: happiness is supposed to arrive when dreams are fulfilled — but what happens when the world changes so much that the dreams themselves are denied? As the upcoming … Read more
Even after we’ve built stable lives — careers, homes, long-term relationships — many gay men in mid-life still find ourselves opening Grindr, Scruff, or Recon. Sometimes it’s curiosity. Sometimes it’s libido. Sometimes it’s something harder to name. We might tell ourselves we’re “just seeing who’s around,” but underneath, the question lingers: Why am I still … Read more
I’ve been a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist for over 33 years in 2025, and I identify as a psychotherapist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, life/career/relationship Coach, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, activist, author, and educator. But in all those, I’ve been a Psychiatric Social Worker, and that means my training and experience have given me the credentials … Read more
I love Halloween. Maybe it’s because of the theatricality of it, with costumes and props, or maybe it’s because of my addiction to chocolate. Author Peg Aloi, an expert on Pagan holidays, explains that Halloween—or Samhain, as it’s sometimes called, meaning “summer’s end”—is observed as a celebration of the last harvest of the year before … Read more
It’s one of those tongue-in-cheek jokes that circulates in gay male culture: “The Navy is the gayest branch of the military, the Air Force is for pretty boys, and all Marines are gay bottoms.” Of course, these aren’t literally true — they’re camp exaggerations, part humor and part fantasy. But like so many gay jokes, … Read more
We’ve all heard the phrase “post-nut clarity” — that shift in perception some men describe right after orgasm, where what felt intensely appealing just moments before suddenly seems different, even irrelevant. It’s been a popular meme, but it actually points to some very real psychological and physiological processes that gay men, in particular, can recognize … Read more
Every autumn, the Jewish calendar ushers in Yom Kippur, the “Day of Atonement.” It is traditionally a solemn day of fasting, prayer, confession, and renewal. For observant Jews, it is the holiest day of the year. For those of us outside Judaism, though, there are still universal lessons here worth pausing to consider. I’ve written … Read more
As a psychotherapist and coach specializing in gay men for over 33 years — working with literally thousands of clients — I’ve had a unique vantage point on the patterns that emerge in our lives and our community. Again and again, I’ve noticed that many of our struggles cluster around what I call “toxic gay … Read more
By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST | GayTherapyLA.com / GayCoachingLA.com Context, Commerce, and Consequences The concept of “sex addiction” did not arise in a vacuum. In the early 1980s, amid the fear-and-moral-panic atmosphere of the AIDS crisis, sexual behavior (especially gay male sexuality) was widely framed as dangerous or even deadly. Into that climate, Patrick Carnes, … Read more
In the timeless tale of Cinderella, a neglected girl is transformed—through magic, resilience, and the help of a mentor—into someone who is seen, valued, and desired. While this fairy tale has enchanted generations, its deeper themes resonate powerfully with many gay men: those whose early lives were marked by invisibility, shame, or bullying, and a … Read more
