Ken 
A man in his late forties sits across from me during an intake session. From the outside, his life looks solid. He has a successful career, a comfortable home, long-standing friendships, and the kind of stability that took years to build. Many people would assume he had “figured things out.” Yet the reason he scheduled … Read more
I’ve spent more than 30 years helping gay men navigate breakups, divorces, and relationship endings—not just as a psychotherapist and sex therapist, but as someone who has lived through loss myself. Breakups don’t simply end relationships; they destabilize identity, emotional regulation, daily routines, and future orientation. This article is written for the immediate aftermath—when your … Read more
Living Inside a Prolonged Stress Climate Many of the gay male therapy or coaching clients I speak with lately struggle to name exactly what feels wrong these days, but something does. They are not reacting to a single crisis, nor are they necessarily experiencing acute panic or depression. Instead, there is a more pervasive sense … Read more
What actually helps—beyond pills, injections, and panic Ken Howard, LCSW, CST, is a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist with over 30 years of experience working with gay men, couples, and polycules. He provides psychotherapy to California residents and coaching to gay men worldwide, focusing on mental health, sexual confidence, performance anxiety, aging, … Read more
This article comes from my work with gay men around confidence, relationships, and sexual self-understanding. If you want to see what working with me looks like: Individual Therapy (CA) | Coaching (Worldwide) by Ken Howard, LCSW, CST – Founder, GayTherapyLA.com/GayCoachingLA.com A clinical perspective on relationships, development, and what actually helps For many years, clinicians used … Read more
GayCoachingLA Coaching for gay men navigating visibility, desire, power, and next-stage life decisions There are moments when a piece of culture doesn’t just entertain—it destabilizes something you thought you had already sorted out. The sudden, viral success of Heated Rivalry is one of those moments. For many gay men, especially those who’ve lived long enough … Read more
A developmental view—from good student to elder authority, and why the path often looks different for us When psychologists talk about human development, they don’t just mean childhood. Instead, they are referring to lifespan development: the way identity, purpose, intimacy, competence, and meaning evolve from youth through old age. The work of Erik Erikson, Harry … Read more
When we hear the word wealth, most people jump to external metrics: money, net worth, assets, square footage, or investment accounts. For gay men — who often grow up trying to “prove ourselves” to families, schools, workplaces, and society — the cultural pressure to demonstrate success through financial status can feel especially strong. Over 32 … Read more
For so many gay men, compulsive phone use has become a quiet, constant companion. Scrolling, checking, refreshing, comparing — not just on social media but on dating apps, hookup apps, fitness feeds, curated vacation pages, and lifestyle reels. It’s nearly universal, understandable, and expected. And yet, behind the glow of the screen, something deeper is being managed: … Read more
Most gay men have heard of “fight or flight.” Some know about “freeze.” But there’s a fourth trauma response that deserves more attention in gay men’s mental health — the fawn response. If you’ve ever found yourself overly accommodating, chronically apologizing, or bending over backwards not to upset anyone — especially men you’re dating, partnered … Read more
