GayCoachingLA Coaching for gay men navigating visibility, desire, power, and next-stage life decisions There are moments when a piece of culture doesn’t just entertain—it destabilizes something you thought you had already sorted out. The sudden, viral success of Heated Rivalry is one of those moments. For many gay men, especially those who’ve lived long enough … Read more
A developmental view—from good student to elder authority, and why the path often looks different for us When psychologists talk about human development, they don’t just mean childhood. Instead, they are referring to lifespan development: the way identity, purpose, intimacy, competence, and meaning evolve from youth through old age. The work of Erik Erikson, Harry … Read more
When we hear the word wealth, most people jump to external metrics: money, net worth, assets, square footage, or investment accounts. For gay men — who often grow up trying to “prove ourselves” to families, schools, workplaces, and society — the cultural pressure to demonstrate success through financial status can feel especially strong. Over 32 … Read more
For so many gay men, compulsive phone use has become a quiet, constant companion. Scrolling, checking, refreshing, comparing — not just on social media but on dating apps, hookup apps, fitness feeds, curated vacation pages, and lifestyle reels. It’s nearly universal, understandable, and expected. And yet, behind the glow of the screen, something deeper is being managed: … Read more
Most gay men have heard of “fight or flight.” Some know about “freeze.” But there’s a fourth trauma response that deserves more attention in gay men’s mental health — the fawn response. If you’ve ever found yourself overly accommodating, chronically apologizing, or bending over backwards not to upset anyone — especially men you’re dating, partnered … Read more
I love Halloween. Maybe it’s because of the theatricality of it, with costumes and props, or maybe it’s because of my addiction to chocolate. Author Peg Aloi, an expert on Pagan holidays, explains that Halloween—or Samhain, as it’s sometimes called, meaning “summer’s end”—is observed as a celebration of the last harvest of the year before … Read more
Gay Men and Life Lessons We Can Learn from Actors As a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist and coach in Los Angeles, or, more specifically, West Hollywood, the influence of the television and film entertainment industry is everywhere. Not all, but a good percentage of my clients are somehow affiliated with it. It permeates the air … Read more
Gay Men Who Have Given Up on Finding a Relationship In my thirty years (2022) of being a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist and life/career/relationship coach, perhaps the most common topic new clients present to me in asking for help is about relationships (and, relatedly, sex). There are other topics, too, about raising your quality of … Read more
Gay Men and Coping with Specific Traumas – PART TWO In Part One of this discussion, I talked about coping with specific traumas that include Medical, Legal, Academic, and Criminal traumas, and how to cope with them. Here in Part Two, I will discuss Workplace, Family of Origin, Political, and Social/Peer traumas, and how to … Read more
Gay Men and Mismatched Libidos: Navigating Difference Several times recently in my work in sex therapy for gay men, clients have asked me about what to do if they want more, or less, sex than their partner. It’s sometimes referred to as “desire discrepancy” or “mismatched libidos,” and it can happen in gay or straight … Read more
