This article comes from my work with gay men around confidence, relationships, and sexual self-understanding. If you want to see what working with me looks like: Individual Therapy (CA) | Coaching (Worldwide) by Ken Howard, LCSW, CST – Founder, GayTherapyLA.com/GayCoachingLA.com A clinical perspective on relationships, development, and what actually helps For many years, clinicians used … Read more
When we hear the word wealth, most people jump to external metrics: money, net worth, assets, square footage, or investment accounts. For gay men — who often grow up trying to “prove ourselves” to families, schools, workplaces, and society — the cultural pressure to demonstrate success through financial status can feel especially strong. Over 32 … Read more
For so many gay men, compulsive phone use has become a quiet, constant companion. Scrolling, checking, refreshing, comparing — not just on social media but on dating apps, hookup apps, fitness feeds, curated vacation pages, and lifestyle reels. It’s nearly universal, understandable, and expected. And yet, behind the glow of the screen, something deeper is being managed: … Read more
Most gay men have heard of “fight or flight.” Some know about “freeze.” But there’s a fourth trauma response that deserves more attention in gay men’s mental health — the fawn response. If you’ve ever found yourself overly accommodating, chronically apologizing, or bending over backwards not to upset anyone — especially men you’re dating, partnered … Read more
“Because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true…” That line from Wicked’s Act II number, “Thank Goodness,” always carries an irony that cuts deep: happiness is supposed to arrive when dreams are fulfilled — but what happens when the world changes so much that the dreams themselves are denied? As the upcoming … Read more
Even after we’ve built stable lives — careers, homes, long-term relationships — many gay men in mid-life still find ourselves opening Grindr, Scruff, or Recon. Sometimes it’s curiosity. Sometimes it’s libido. Sometimes it’s something harder to name. We might tell ourselves we’re “just seeing who’s around,” but underneath, the question lingers: Why am I still … Read more
I’ve been a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist for over 33 years in 2025, and I identify as a psychotherapist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, life/career/relationship Coach, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, activist, author, and educator. But in all those, I’ve been a Psychiatric Social Worker, and that means my training and experience have given me the credentials … Read more
It’s one of those tongue-in-cheek jokes that circulates in gay male culture: “The Navy is the gayest branch of the military, the Air Force is for pretty boys, and all Marines are gay bottoms.” Of course, these aren’t literally true — they’re camp exaggerations, part humor and part fantasy. But like so many gay jokes, … Read more
We’ve all heard the phrase “post-nut clarity” — that shift in perception some men describe right after orgasm, where what felt intensely appealing just moments before suddenly seems different, even irrelevant. It’s been a popular meme, but it actually points to some very real psychological and physiological processes that gay men, in particular, can recognize … Read more
By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST | GayTherapyLA.com / GayCoachingLA.com Context, Commerce, and Consequences The concept of “sex addiction” did not arise in a vacuum. In the early 1980s, amid the fear-and-moral-panic atmosphere of the AIDS crisis, sexual behavior (especially gay male sexuality) was widely framed as dangerous or even deadly. Into that climate, Patrick Carnes, … Read more
