A man in his late forties sits across from me during an intake session. From the outside, his life looks solid. He has a successful career, a comfortable home, long-standing friendships, and the kind of stability that took years to build. Many people would assume he had “figured things out.” Yet the reason he scheduled … Read more
I’ve spent more than 30 years helping gay men navigate breakups, divorces, and relationship endings—not just as a psychotherapist and sex therapist, but as someone who has lived through loss myself. Breakups don’t simply end relationships; they destabilize identity, emotional regulation, daily routines, and future orientation. This article is written for the immediate aftermath—when your … Read more
Living Inside a Prolonged Stress Climate Many of the gay male therapy or coaching clients I speak with lately struggle to name exactly what feels wrong these days, but something does. They are not reacting to a single crisis, nor are they necessarily experiencing acute panic or depression. Instead, there is a more pervasive sense … Read more
Most gay men have heard of “fight or flight.” Some know about “freeze.” But there’s a fourth trauma response that deserves more attention in gay men’s mental health — the fawn response. If you’ve ever found yourself overly accommodating, chronically apologizing, or bending over backwards not to upset anyone — especially men you’re dating, partnered … Read more
“Because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true…” That line from Wicked’s Act II number, “Thank Goodness,” always carries an irony that cuts deep: happiness is supposed to arrive when dreams are fulfilled — but what happens when the world changes so much that the dreams themselves are denied? As the upcoming … Read more
Even after we’ve built stable lives — careers, homes, long-term relationships — many gay men in mid-life still find ourselves opening Grindr, Scruff, or Recon. Sometimes it’s curiosity. Sometimes it’s libido. Sometimes it’s something harder to name. We might tell ourselves we’re “just seeing who’s around,” but underneath, the question lingers: Why am I still … Read more
I love Halloween. Maybe it’s because of the theatricality of it, with costumes and props, or maybe it’s because of my addiction to chocolate. Author Peg Aloi, an expert on Pagan holidays, explains that Halloween—or Samhain, as it’s sometimes called, meaning “summer’s end”—is observed as a celebration of the last harvest of the year before … Read more
In the timeless tale of Cinderella, a neglected girl is transformed—through magic, resilience, and the help of a mentor—into someone who is seen, valued, and desired. While this fairy tale has enchanted generations, its deeper themes resonate powerfully with many gay men: those whose early lives were marked by invisibility, shame, or bullying, and a … Read more
Radical Erotic Aging: Gay Men, Desire, and the Audacity to Stay Sexy By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST GayTherapyLA.com | GayCoachingLA.com Ken@GayTherapyLA.com | 310-339-5778 Let me tell you something I know in my bones: aging as a gay man in this culture is not for the faint of heart. After 33 years of working with thousands … Read more
Gay Men and Understanding Personality: The OCEAN Model By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST – Founder, GayTherapyLA.com Understanding what makes us who we are can deepen our relationships and improve how we connect with others. For gay men, this kind of self-knowledge can be especially powerful. It helps us navigate romantic relationships, family ties, friendships, and … Read more
